Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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