He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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