I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize