threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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