Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I want is dick and wine.
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