I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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