u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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