i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize