I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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