There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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