Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize