she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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