I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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