if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize