im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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