just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize