i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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