I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize