i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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