You're my little dorito
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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