I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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