Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize