dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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