it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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