help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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