And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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