Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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