Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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