U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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