I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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