You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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