you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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