so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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