On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wanna passion pit in your ass
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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