oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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