Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize