my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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