The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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