Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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