Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize