Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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