between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize