i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You're like the curious george of whores
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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