I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize