I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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