I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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