What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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