There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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