I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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