I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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